45

It’s Friday!

So, we just had a tornado go through.  Much excitement ensued, I heard the wind suddenly blow up and the hail started to fall.  Now normally, we can’t hear a thing.  We live on the second floor, with people above us – if it’s storming, we don’t know.

We heard this wind.

I, of course, wanted to open the door and watch!  R wouldn’t let me, however, and I had to resign myself to take pictures through the glass.  (Don’t tell, but I actually opened the door)

It’s times like this I love living in the South.  So much excitement!

I used to be afraid of storms when I was little.  When the tornado went through Dunwoody in 1998, I remember looking in the mirror and being literally pale from fear – there was this horrible lump in my stomach that barely let me sleep, and after that horrible night was over, I never again wore the nightgown I had on that night.  Eventually, though, the fear faded, and left in its wake is a new feeling of excitement and fun.  After all, we live in the city.  What’s the worst that can happen?  I think, after watching footage of storms in Kansas and Arkansas, I get paranoid that the same thing will happen here in Atlanta.  But, their tornado warning is not our tornado warning.  The stuff that happens already when we have a storm is pretty much all that is going to happen.  And that is nothing to be scared of; I rarely am, unless awoken at night by a giant storm.  Then I’m just disoriented and confused, not really scared.

It makes me wish I could transfer this newfound fearlessness into other parts of my life.  I did yesterday, when I went on a giant slide with my five-year-old.  There is a carnival near our house, and we got a jump-start on the crowds by going yesterday evening.  And as I climbed the rickety stairs, I tried not to think about the stairs possible collapsing under us and sending us to our doom, with broken bones and lots of screaming.  I didn’t look down to the end of the slide, instead focused on sitting down, getting J onto my lap, and then before I could chicken out I gave us a mighty push and there we went.  And you know, I’m glad I went.  I love the feeling of going fast, my hair flying behind me and the breeze in my face.  I’ve always loved that feeling.  And I don’t know when I stopped loving the feeling and started letting the fear win.  But I’m working on it.

Fear will hold you back.  I’m firmly convinced you can do nothing great until you let it go, and learn to fly solo.  In essence, you can’t give a damn if you fall.  Sometimes I think I care too much, in different ways, and sometimes it’s hard to say fuck it, it doesn’t matter, it’s only bringing me down…I have a hard time letting things go.  I’m an eternal optimist – I will always hold on, convinced that something good will come of it.  I can’t decide what’s better; probably because one needs a healthy mix of both.

Ok, that’s enough of that talk.  Be fearless, dear readers, and see what happens.