Tag Archives: Lost

26

28 Nov

While cleaning my room today, I found something that was very dear to me, and that I thought I had lost. There I was, digging through pockets of purses, trying to find these Christmas presents that I bought three months ago (which I also lost, but that’s another story), when suddenly, my fingers in a tiny side pocket felt not plastic bag, like I was wishing, but something sharp and cold. Brow furrowed, I dug deeper, trying to finagle whatever was in that pocket out into my hand. Finally, the mystery item sprung forth, into the palm of my hand – two tiny diamond earrings that have been missing for almost a year. I would have sworn I had searched every purse in that bucket, at least twice. But here they were, yielded by my favorite black bag I got from Lenox Mall just before my freshman year of college. I felt like Carrie, when she had given up for lost her Carrie necklace, only to find it in the lining of her vintage Chanel purse. My earrings, however, had last made an appearance New Years Eve, and in the following months filled with breakups, moving, and job upheavals, I had counted these tiny treasures as lost forever.

I love unexpected surprises. I also love searching for something and finding something else, something better. Especially something that I’d given up on. It’s one of life’s little awesome tricks, and I love waking up each morning not knowing that good thing may happen that day.

For instance. Every holiday, I have this image in my head of the family getting together and getting along, making whatever day one of those perfect, exciting holidays much like the ones I remember from my childhood. However, that’s silly, and I think this family of whom I speak stopped pretending to get along for my sake the older I got. And it hit me, after this Thanksgiving – why do I keep looking back, trying to recreate something that wasn’t even real to begin with? Why rely on others to make holidays happy? I’m looking around this world, trying to make something mine, trying to carve out my own little niche to make my own little home, and there is no reason why I can’t be in control of my own holiday happiness. So, next year, I am hosting Thanksgiving at my house, wherever I am. I am cooking. I am doing things according to my idea of what would make me happy and what Thanksgiving should be. And, hopefully, that would reduce the stress and resulting apathy of said family, making everyone’s holiday better. And though it won’t look like what I always thought it was supposed to look like, that doesn’t mean it won’t turn into something even better. Maybe, while looking for something else, we will find something even better.

Keep searching, loyal readers. Don’t rest until you find what makes you happy.

Until.

10

7 Aug

We got lost last night. Horribly, miserably lost.

The thing is, we were supposed to take the road left when it forked. We forgot about that, because really, the fork wasn’t all that clear. And we didn’t realize how off-course we were until the concrete under our wheels turned to brick and the road name turned to something we’d never seen before.

I sat there in the passenger seat, trying to be helpful but almost too tired to think. But wasn’t that what had gotten us into this in the first place? Driving through on autopilot? Sometimes, it’s good to trust your wheels to take you where you need to go. Sometimes they know better than you do.

But not this time. This time we made three more wrong turns and finally got so confused that we had to find an interstate to clear our heads and orientate us. 45 minutes later, we were back where we should have been, grumpy, tired, and cold.

It made me wonder how many other times I’d missed the fork in the road and gone somewhere completely different, because I wasn’t paying attention. Sometimes it’s good…sometimes, not so much. It’s hard work to stay on track, especially when all you have for landmarks are mistakes behind you and learned lessons in the passenger seat. That’s life, though. Make a wrong turn, get lost, find your way back, and do it again. But I’ll learn. Getting lost is what makes you learn. I’ll learn to keep better watch on the signs, to keep distractions at bay, and to always have a few select landmarks and a few select friends to keep me straight. As long as you have that, you can never truly lose your way.